Can I Give You Some Feedback?

Recently I had to have a hard conversation with a leader from another organization.

I had to give him some feedback about his team and how they missed expectations.

On one hand, it was difficult to say challenging words to a really kind, and brilliant leader.On the other hand, I like this person, I love their organization, and I want them to succeed so I couldn’t let the moment pass.

Nobody likes confrontation, and in a moment like that, you have a choice.

You either choose to live with the discomfort of missed expectations (or failed project, or failed deadline), or you choose to live with the temporary discomfort of having to give critical feedback.

When I think about it, ultimately I was choosing to make an investment in that leader.

Investments always require a trade of value.I give up something of value now for something of greater value later.

But, investments rarely come without risk...

In today’s kindness first culture, this investment, this trade of value, often feels more risky than it has in the past.

We’re supposed to be respectful, empathetic, and caring for the other.

But, what if giving feedback is loving, respectful, empathetic, and caring?

What if withholding valuable feedback is the opposite of what we expect it to be?

What if it’s unkind, unloving, and uncaring when we’re not willing to share feedback?

I know of one organization that has a staff value called “Lean into the last 10%.”

I think it’s incredibly brilliant to have a cultural sign post that gives a framework to have a difficult conversation. This kind of feedback is essential for growing organizations.

When it comes to difficult things - Leaders go first.

You can model healthy feedback for those you lead.You don’t have to do this in every one on one, but you should be asking with some regularity -

“Do you have any feedback for me?”

“Is there anything you see that I should be doing differently or better?”

“How can I lead you better?”

Here’s the hard part, you have to model it. You actually have to listen and be willing to pivot.